Or at least that's what they WANT you to think...

We all know there's more to the story than meets the eye.

Bigfoot probably runs an AirBnB on Area 51 with Elvis. Interdimensional shapeshifting lizard people are the reason we're told not to remove mattress tags (it turns the friggin' frogs gay). The government is deploying chemtrails to make us think Jimmy Fallon is funny. A secret cabal of ancient cosmic vampires controls who wins the Kentucky Derby each year. Joe Biden is actually just a sentient loofah propped up both by MK Ultra and the insidious (yet secretive) shower lobby.

If there's a conspiracy, there's room for it in the Conspiracy Castle.

What is it? Who is behind it? Who cares. Just keep eating your wheat thins and keep pretending that everything is just fine...