Towing Off The Hooligans

When we purchased our office, we hastily realized the parking lot was a haven for degenerate drunks and ideologues with cars plastered in intersectionality bumper stickers espousing the latest "ideology du jour."

Rather than tolerate this visual assault, we turned it into a game, selectively towing vehicles based purely on their aesthetic offenses. Rusty minivans, oil-spewing trucks with loaded-down beds, and virtue-signaling decals were all fair game.

Each morning, we would relish in the poetic justice of watching them hauled away. Soon, word spread, and the lot was reclaimed—pristine and blissfully free of unsolicited opinions. All it took was seven tows.